Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Life's a bitch if you're a fucking pussy.

Here's a list of my brothers achievements in life :
  1. Ask everyone for advice on what senior subjects to choose. Had the aid of his parents. Ended up choosing IST as one of his subjects.
  2. Receives a ROSE award (Some sort of 1st place, but with a pansier connotation) for IST.
  3. In year 12, decides to drop IST and pickup PE.
  4. He also decides to continue with Ext English, Ext Maths, Physics and Chemistry.
  5. Attends 4 tutors for said subjects.
  6. Uses about 200$ of his parents money a week for said tutors.
  7. Gets a UAI of 48.3. Not even half way.
  8. FAIL.
  9. Wants to drive a motorcycle. Presumably because he wants to be like Cloud from Final Fantasy.
  10. Waits an entire year until his brother decides to get his L's and also decides to get his L's at the same time.
  11. Uses his fathers time to go driving, leaving no time for him to go and drive with his younger son.
  12. In result, at all the sparse times his father goes driving with his brother, his father can't stop going on and on about how much better of a driver he is than his other son.
  13. Believes he has some sort of mystical connection with two things : Cats, and nature.
  14. Exerts some sort of exuberance at the sight or mention of cats. (As opposed to just liking cats as an animal, like a normal person does)
  15. Believes he has some sort of control over nature. Can be seen making limb movements near ocean waves, or windy plains.
  16. Constantly taking photos of clouds. Believes they are good, when they really aren't.
  17. Constantly staring at clouds, the moon and the stars. The sky in general.
  18. Watches the worst anime. Possibly the type intended for girls. Prepubescent girls.
  19. Has some sort of in built super ear defence against the superfluously high pitched voices portrayed by all the female characters in said anime.
  20. Has no decency to put on his headphones, which he asked his brother specifically to buy for him.
  21. Listens to the worst assortment of music ranging from super-pitch Japanese pop songs to incredibly weak pansy songs.
  22. Once got told off for burning a CD for the family road-trip to QLD. His father said he was getting a headache.
  23. Believes he has a good taste in music.
  24. Believes he has a good taste in fashion.
  25. Wears runners as casual shoes.
  26. Does not understand what casual shoes are.
  27. Tried to tell off his brother for wearing volleys when he was wearing runners.
  28. Wears school shoes as 'black shoes' to 'match' his 'fashion sense'.
  29. Put 'Has a good fashion sense' in his resume.
  30. Has not actually gotten a job other than one his aunt let him work at.
  31. Was told off by an old man at said job.
  32. Made 20$ an hour at said job.
  33. Is currently out of money, and complaining about it.
  34. Received Youth Allowance. All of it was transferred to his mothers account and was used to pay for his tutoring.
  35. Started an argument with his mother demanding his money, which he had already used on tutoring.
  36. Did not understand what the rest of the family was trying to say, that there was no more money. Did not understand for an hour.
  37. As opposed to actually simply going out to find a simple job, decided to take Centerlink assigned courses to educate people how to get a job. This course is intended for foreigners and the disabled.
  38. Claimed that he had depression.
  39. Was convinced that he had depression by his mother.
  40. Went to a psychiatrist. Once. Got a free booklet.
  41. Constantly blaming his parents for being bad parents.
  42. Used said reason as an excuse for his failure.
  43. Believes he is a good dancer.
  44. Shuffles.
  45. Goes to clubs and shuffles.
  46. When his mother encouraged his brother to invite his friends over, he said he could entertain them by shuffling for them.
  47. Tries to make friends with other peoples friends.
  48. Has 'friends' in year 10, as opposed to his being in TAFE.
  49. Invited one to his house once. From downstairs, the floor could be heard being slammed on.
  50. Will constantly be rung up by one of these girls at exactly 11pm. Will pick up the phone, and not say a single word as the girl blabbers on for 3 hours straight.
  51. In addition will also do research assignments for said girls.
  52. Doesn't, or doesn't have more than about 2 people his age as friends.
  53. Has magnitudes of MSN contacts who have brackets, numbers, text symbols and elongated words en masse.
  54. Whenever with his younger female cousin, acts sly and suave around her.
  55. Constantly hangs around her at parties, in a more than friendly way.
  56. Attends TAFE in a Nursing course.
  57. Is 1 of 2 male students in the class.
  58. Before going to TAFE, was taken around his fathers and uncles work places to get a gist of what the workplace would be like.
  59. Complained and almost cried over how 'dark and dirty' his uncles workplace was. His uncle worked at a factory as a considerably well payed engineer.
  60. Said he didn't want to work in such a place.
  61. Doesn't believe that to get to the top, you have to start at the bottom.
  62. Believes that you can instantly get a job that you like as soon as you get out of school.
  63. Believes that you can do what was previously said with a UAI of 47.3.
  64. Before going to TAFE, considered being a child entertainer, or nanny. Something to do with children.
  65. Proclaimed that he likes working with children.
  66. Regularly goes on 'walks' that last for hours.
  67. These walks usually consist of walking to a train station, as opposed to actually take the train there.
  68. Has a dream catcher. Actaully uses it.
  69. Has the inability to clean up his room.
  70. When pestered by his parents about cleaning his room, argues that it's 'his room, and he can do what he wants with it'. Oblivious to who pays the bills for the house.
  71. When asked to occasionally pay rent for living at his parents house, became emotional and started yelling at people, despite the fact that it was only approximately ten dollars a fortnight.
  72. Would probably not be able to pay ten dollars a fortnight due to the fact he does not have a job.
  73. Has miscellaneous items all over the floor of his room, ranging from awards from primary school, to clothes he 'intended to wash' from a couple of months ago.
  74. Complains that he loses things to easily, and says it's other peoples fault.
  75. Has the tendency to break things easily.
  76. Used approximately 40 rulers in his schooling so far.
  77. Complained that things break too easily.
  78. Incapable of taking care of items.
  79. Does not take care of items.
  80. Even if they are his own items.
  81. Visits DeviantArt regularly, despite his shared internet, and its horrible speeds, even if it wasn't being used on the other end.
  82. Began submitting art to DA.
  83. When making his 'pieces', used only approximately 10 clicks of the brush, simply for colour, and worked the rest with smudge tool on 100.
  84. Believed he would get better at art just by looking at other peoples art.
  85. Bought an original off DA. Cost about $20~30. Was almost as small as a playing card. Was not even a good piece of art, much so it looked like it was done by a 10 year old with a couple of colouring pencils.
  86. His brother assumes he was e-white knighting - trying to get laid over the internet by supporting a female over the internet.
  87. Proclaims that he cares about the environment.
  88. Yet he has the inability to sufficiently close taps.
  89. Is guaranteed to leave a tap dripping after he leaves the bathroom.
  90. Cannot close doors. Tends to follow this habit on windy days.
  91. Cannot put the wireless phone back into the recharger. Leaves it on the couch, or the floor if he decides to be lazy that day.
  92. Puts the television remote in the worst places after watching it. For example, the other room, or in the kitchen. Sometimes in the room with the other television.
  93. Leaves his paraphernalia discarded around the house, such as jumpers, beanies and used socks.
  94. Takes more care of his faces hygine than the house he lives in.
  95. Uses at least 4 different chemicals on his face before he leaves the bathroom.
  96. Spends an extra 10 minutes applying said chemicals to face.
  97. Regularly leaves multiple people waiting on him because he's applying his chemicals.
  98. Does not eat the entirety of fruit. Leaves a considerable amount of the cores, or slices.
  99. Did not defend his brother when he was being bullied in primary school.
  100. Believes that life should be pure bliss and complains that his life isn't despite the fact that he does absolutely nothing to aid his life. He doesn't even do anything. Apart from going to Centerlink to receive pity money and going to TAFE to study nursing, he just sits at home in front of the computer reading mangas all day. Doing this, he somehow achieved to go over the quota by 5gb, going at the steady pace of 10kb/s. To fuel his obsession of doing nothing, he constantly eats all the food in the house, including the food that's deliberately split in to two parts so it can be halved with his brother. By living at this house, he leeches everything from his parents who should kick him out, but won't because they know he'll just be stupid and die on the front lawn.

7 comments:

#JENNZOR said...

I actually read the whole thing.

Your brother is......... quite an interesting character.

Quyen said...

I read the whole thing too.

I agree with jen :)

... doesn't he still do tkd?

ishraq said...

Dear god, your brother's worse than my sister. Also, you're the first person I have ever been able to say that to honestly.

LenGgiiee said...

why i read it, i dont know.

but god DAMN ._.

Buxton said...

your brother is the peak of male evolution.

wolf said...

why do i always have to verify my comment?

Kuoke said...

Because it doesn't like you.