Scene.
-Enter Alan-
Alan: Hey Charlie, Mom is calling, should I pick up?
Charlie: No, let it go to voicemail. Mom is a total bitch.
Alan: Wow, that wasn't even a joke. Will people laugh at that?
Charlie: It's ok. We'll just play an exaggerated laugh track and it'll work.
Alan: That's your solution to everything.
Charlie: And it works.
Alan: Don't you love how every sentence we say ends as a punch line?
Charlie: Yeah, but I think what really makes this show is that every scene ends and transitions with the same musical motif from our theme song.
Alan: Doesn't that just come off as tacky and poorly thought out?
Charlie: Maybe, but we've been doing it for 5 years now and for some reason people are still watching this show.
-Enter Jake-
Jake: I MAKE OUTRAGEOUS OBSERVATIONS FOR SOMEONE MY AGE AND YET NEVER SEEM TO FULLY GRASP THE IMPLICATIONS OF THEM, REINFORCING MY CHILDISH INNOCENCE.
Jake: AND I'M FAT.
Alan: I should really have just gotten a vasectomy.
Charlie: Isn't it ironic that your son is as much of a loser as you?
Alan: I don't see how that's ironic. It actually makes sense.
Charlie: Hey, did I mention yet that our mother is a bitch?
Alan: You did. Twice already. You used that joke in the last episode too.
Charlie: It's called a reoccurring theme.
Jake: I WANT CAKE.
-Enter Berta-
Berta: [Insert over-the-line joke about Alan being a bitch]
Alan: [Humorous banter]
Berta: [Insert over-the-line joke about Charlie womanizing a dim-witted bimbo]
Charlie: Berta, what the fuck? Every episode, all you do is come in here and bitch, if not about how much of a loser Alan is, then to call me a whore, and I'm supposed to sit here and honor your sassy bullshit with playful banter like everytime I see you I don't want to dickslap you in the face. What's your problem? Don't you own a dildo or something?
Berta: [Insert sassy retort]
(There is a knock at the door; it's Alan's ex-wife)
Judith: I'm here to pick up our son.
Alan: It's good to see you.
Judith: I still don't love you.
Alan: It was worth a shot.
Judith: You're worthless.
Alan: Wow, is there a single woman on this show who isn't a condescending bitch?
Berta: [More deprecating insults]
Alan: I guess not. By the way Judith, something needs to be done about Jake. I'm pretty sure he has diabetes, and there is a good chance he is semi-retarded.
Judith: I'm sure it's your fault. By the way, I used your alimony money to buy breast implants.
Alan: Wait, so I basically paid for breast implants for a woman who I can no longer sleep with?
(Alan stares at Judith in disbelief)
Charlie: Now that's irony!!
(The crowd erupts with laughter, until winding down gradually to an awkward silence. The only sounds that can be heard are the shifting of people in their seats, as the actors all look at each other with quizzical looks, trying to piece together what is happening. Finally, after this prolonged delay settles, the silence is broken)
Jake: I HAVE DOWN SYNDROME.
Cue Theme Song.
-Outro-
-Enter Alan-
Alan: Hey Charlie, Mom is calling, should I pick up?
Charlie: No, let it go to voicemail. Mom is a total bitch.
Alan: Wow, that wasn't even a joke. Will people laugh at that?
Charlie: It's ok. We'll just play an exaggerated laugh track and it'll work.
Alan: That's your solution to everything.
Charlie: And it works.
Alan: Don't you love how every sentence we say ends as a punch line?
Charlie: Yeah, but I think what really makes this show is that every scene ends and transitions with the same musical motif from our theme song.
Alan: Doesn't that just come off as tacky and poorly thought out?
Charlie: Maybe, but we've been doing it for 5 years now and for some reason people are still watching this show.
-Enter Jake-
Jake: I MAKE OUTRAGEOUS OBSERVATIONS FOR SOMEONE MY AGE AND YET NEVER SEEM TO FULLY GRASP THE IMPLICATIONS OF THEM, REINFORCING MY CHILDISH INNOCENCE.
Jake: AND I'M FAT.
Alan: I should really have just gotten a vasectomy.
Charlie: Isn't it ironic that your son is as much of a loser as you?
Alan: I don't see how that's ironic. It actually makes sense.
Charlie: Hey, did I mention yet that our mother is a bitch?
Alan: You did. Twice already. You used that joke in the last episode too.
Charlie: It's called a reoccurring theme.
Jake: I WANT CAKE.
-Enter Berta-
Berta: [Insert over-the-line joke about Alan being a bitch]
Alan: [Humorous banter]
Berta: [Insert over-the-line joke about Charlie womanizing a dim-witted bimbo]
Charlie: Berta, what the fuck? Every episode, all you do is come in here and bitch, if not about how much of a loser Alan is, then to call me a whore, and I'm supposed to sit here and honor your sassy bullshit with playful banter like everytime I see you I don't want to dickslap you in the face. What's your problem? Don't you own a dildo or something?
Berta: [Insert sassy retort]
(There is a knock at the door; it's Alan's ex-wife)
Judith: I'm here to pick up our son.
Alan: It's good to see you.
Judith: I still don't love you.
Alan: It was worth a shot.
Judith: You're worthless.
Alan: Wow, is there a single woman on this show who isn't a condescending bitch?
Berta: [More deprecating insults]
Alan: I guess not. By the way Judith, something needs to be done about Jake. I'm pretty sure he has diabetes, and there is a good chance he is semi-retarded.
Judith: I'm sure it's your fault. By the way, I used your alimony money to buy breast implants.
Alan: Wait, so I basically paid for breast implants for a woman who I can no longer sleep with?
(Alan stares at Judith in disbelief)
Charlie: Now that's irony!!
(The crowd erupts with laughter, until winding down gradually to an awkward silence. The only sounds that can be heard are the shifting of people in their seats, as the actors all look at each other with quizzical looks, trying to piece together what is happening. Finally, after this prolonged delay settles, the silence is broken)
Jake: I HAVE DOWN SYNDROME.
Cue Theme Song.
-Outro-
2 comments:
actually pretty true
yeah. this is like the typical episode.
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