Sunday, October 11, 2009


Dune was on 2 nights ago. Right after the 6 episodes of back to back Fraiser. For those unknowing of the bewildering likings of the underground, Dune was one of those mediocre-to-horribly received movies which eventually gained a large cult like fan base.
I decided to watch it - just because, and managed to get through two thirds of it simply because in the first hour and a half, there was always something stupid to look at, whether it be questioning the strenuously illogical alien anatomy, or the race that had small rodents for eyebrows. At about 40 minutes in, the major villain is found out to be:
-- a fat man in a suit which enables him to fly who has a fetish for girly boys who tends to his illogically based flower garden (as the entire planet, presumably, is that of oil and steel) AND before he starts raping the flower girly-boy he flies up and drenches himself in black oil (clear oil would have been fine) and kills the girly boy by ripping out some sort of ripcord attached to his heart and further spoiling himself if bathes of blood. All this while his sons and assistants watch him.
Oh, did I mention he has diseased boils all over one side of his face. His doctors have a fetish for that also.

Problem 2:
All the characters have their own little soliloquy every 5 minutes. This movie seemed more like a Shakespeare dramatisation, only with really bad technological advances.

Problem 3:
With most sci-fi movies of the age, EVERYTHING TECHNOLOGICAL MAKES A DRONING BUZZING NOISE. This also goes for the scene where the dukes son is supposed to be assassinated by a hovering needle. It sounded like a hoard of flies. In accordance to the story, he was supposed to be asleep while it happened, but he was awake because he was tripping on Spice - a rare substance that enables the folding of space (teleporting). He actually ate a pellet of it. Why would you eat it. Eating it causes...

Problem 4:
WHAT IN GODS FUCK IS THIS THING (2nd, 3rd images from the 1984 film).
Apparently, that's what happens to you when you become an addict of Spice. Remember kids, don't do drugs.

Oh god, I don't know why I even watched this movie. I was regularly checking the time to see when it would end.

Dune is a tiny bit better than Conan, the Barbarian - only because it had THE DUNE WORM.
But they're remaking Conan. Dear. God.

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