Sunday, March 28, 2010

Open The Draw Bridge.

Don't you hate it when you close your eyes only to have your eyelashes stick up on an angle which physics would consider rigid so that when you next blinked, it would cane like a fucking bitch.

I dreamt that I was the commander of a crab army in the name of Poseidon who basically looked like Ariel's dad in "The Little Mermaid". Why does spell check not recognise 'Poseidon'?
Anyway, I took my crab army of about 10-20 crabs in to fight large chunks of cheese or grapes. Oh, for reference, I forgot to mention that the crabs were like, larger than elephants - and so were the cheese/grape things. Every so often I'd get an aerial view of the fight and be able to command everything like an RTS game.
Basically, crabs got their claws ripped of and shit, and we got ass raped by cheese. Or grapes. Regardless, that's pretty fucking disappointing.
A couple of crabs survived. I took a liking to one which I nicknamed 'Buster' for some reason.
I returned to Poseidon to tell him we got our asses raped, and he told me to fuck off for a while. So when I come back, what used to be an ocean of sorts turned into a desert where the bodies of my crab army laid nearing death. I saw Buster and I was like "NO! BUSTER!!! D=".
Poseidon was stuck in the sand aimlessly trying to reach for the water which was only 2 arm lengths from him. He said that if he manages to reach water he'd be able to fix everything. So because I have some sort of supernatural mysticism endowed unto me by Poseidon prior to these events, I called a tidal wave from the previously mentioned water and flooded the desert.
At this point, the camera changes to something reminiscent of a boss fight in 'God Of War' as I somehow manage to survive the huge ass surge of water (skyscrapers height) by 'surfing/jumping' from miscellaneous pieces of debris, gaining at least half a minute of air time. I somehow realise I have a sword and use it to land on an oriental style house. And by that I mean, I did several intense flips in my 30 second air time with a sword which oddly looked like a red Buster Sword from FF7, because it looked more awesome, and then upon landing, I plunged the sword into the roof first as to alleviate the landing force. Also it looks bad ass.
Camera chucks a quick pan to a low angle of me, just landing, arching me head back to see Poseidon atop a whirling vortex of water, like so:
I forgot to mention that I was adorned in crab armour.
Imagine WoW atire, but crabby.