Cont' from last post. Getting back into all the old bands I used to listen to because I feel like being a little pathetic emotional 13 year old again.
Although The Illusion of Progress by Staind is undoubtedly pretty good regardless.
I think happiness is not worth trying for. Once you put all that effort into obtaining it, I feel that on the basis of weighted logic, 1 second of happiness is not worth the >1 second you spent trying to get it - so I don't bother.
I can only assume happiness is some sort of priority in 99.99% of peoples lives, and not giving a damn made me think "Ho hum, I wonder what I really want right now."
It must be a toss up between becoming 'money/fame successful' PURELY and ONLY so I can publicly name and shame everyone that has told me I'd never amount to nothing. (Basically everyone I've ever come in contact with in the last 18 years). OR being a fairly famous artist PURELY and ONLY so I can fuck shit up and get away with it.
On a related note, universal collective acknowledgement from the masses is a pathetic goal. How petty must you be to deem your success on the opinions of others.
In the absence of this pursuit for happiness I can only exist. No reason to live, no reason to die. Quite the puzzle. I wish Professor Layton would help me with this or at least give me fashion advice. He is a dashingly well dressed gentleman.
Hum. What to do. The only problems people have are the ones they inflict upon themselves. There is no possible way that an external force can give you a problem because it's your perception of the situation which deems it to be a problem. I suffer the sin of apathy so yeah, really I don't give a shit about anything or anyone so as a result, I have no problems. The only problem with that (hypocrisy) is that there's not much to do. It's boring here. I am very bored. Am I supposed to endure this shit for the next 60 years.
And don't ask me to make my own happiness because it is stupid and I don't know what is enjoyable any more. I don't enjoy the conventional - or being around people, so that pretty much cancels out the majority of things. Knowledge is pointless to me; Science is stupid and unnecessary; the Arts is just plain stupid; Travelling the world - bad things happen to be when I leave home, so no.
Can't think of anything that induces happiness in me honestly. Must investigate further.
(Entertainment, accomplishment don't count, because really.)
I recall my possibly mentioning of this before but it's still at in the same position.
"Good points about myself". Some sort of psychological exercise I either imagined or made up. Either way, if I had a stat polygon (general RPG games have these, where you distribute stat points) I'd probably have a value of 0 in every stat. Now if you're gonna say I'm self-depreciating - well I'm not gonna lie, I am, but regardless, at this point of time, I'm speaking truth. Weak, stupid, lack of emotion, fugly, social ineptness - what is there, I have nothing to offer. Art skills? Really useless, lets be honest.
Fuck me, it's Saturday. I thought GMA or NBC Early News would've been on.
Houses don't seem like a logical thing. I think I might just roam around like a bum and bring an artbook with me. Seems like the best plan right now. Especially with all those people pestering me about going to university. Let me iterate this in size 250% text:
UNIVERSITY CAN SUCK MY DICK. IT IS STUPID. ART LECTURERS/TEACHERS ARE FAILED ARTIST. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE TAUGHT BY A FAILURE. IT IS MORE ILLOGICAL THAN DICK FUCKING.