Sunday, February 7, 2010

The 10 Halls of Hell.


So my mum gave me a movie about a Chinese guy who painted a series of artworks depicting the Buddhist beliefs of hell. So yes, it's basically a Buddhist propaganda film. And because it's a sin not to spread to word of religion (Yeah, what the fuck kind of sin is that) I'm put this entire movie into a nutshell for you lot:

Sexual Indulgence, Pornographic distribution, Adultery (Lust in general):

You get tied to a burning pillar and die from burns, "Hell of burning Pillars". When you die you get resurrected (in the terms of being alive in hell) and you get tied to it again. And again. And again. And again. Repeat until golden brown.

Slaughtering animals, Cheating people (specifically, the elderly):

You will get thrown into a pool of blood. I think it's your own, but they never clarify it - it's supposed to be ironic of you killing animals and them dying in a puddle of their own blood.

Eat animals intestines, Sinful behaviour when drunk, Betray parents, Bring harm to family/friends, Commit Adultery, use harsh language:

You will literally be thrown into a shit hole, "Hell of Urine and Faeces". On top of that, there are also worms that eat you, and burning copper balls in this hell. When this is over, you end up getting reincarnated into 'the lowest class of society'. And you thought blood bath was bad.

Pounding meat into paste, cheating the elderly/women/children:

"Hell of Pounding". Nothing fancy, I just thought it was a bit graphic in a funny way, so I wanted to include it.

Eating Tendons?, Drug trafficking, Coerce others into committing crime, 'Entertain lewd thoughts after seeing attractive people', Have sex a lot, Encourage others to have affairs:

You will have your tendons pulled out with this fancy contraption, "The hell of Tendon Taking". Then the tendons will be used to make ropes and tethers for carts which you will pull while the hell wardens will whip you endlessly. I'd think it'd be pretty hard to move without tendons, but I'm sure that's why they did it in the first place.

Harm places of sacred teaching, defame saints or sages, deceive others with fake products, deceive ignorant or uneducated women:

"Hell of Blade Mountain". You will be thrown onto a mountain covered with blades. That's some epic scenery.

Those not content with eating gourmet food, set up animal traps, eating animals, pregnant women who have abortions:

"The hell of Tiger Biting". Yes, if you abort your babies, you will spend a long, long time being eaten by tigers.

Those who like frying animals to eat, set fires in mountains, cooking living creatures on a fire, use explosives or fire on natural land (killing numerous animals):

"The hell of boiling oil". Pretty self explanitory really. This is a Chinese classic - fundamentally the basic Chinese interpretation of hell without the Buddhist interjection.

Those who cheat, steal money, disblieve the darma, have wrong views, dishonest people who confuse the public:

"Hell of Hacking". You will get a lumber saw through your dick. That's pretty much it.

Those who treat parents and teachers arrogantly, show others to do things illegally, impose hardships on other living creatures:

"Hell of Brain Removal". I thought this was pretty awesome.

Hawaiian shirt demon - just to let you know at least someone is having fun in hell.

Fundamentally, all of these things literally last hundreds, to thousands to "infinite years" depending on how much of an arsehole you were, and when you've finally endured your thousands - "infinite years of hell" thus expelling your self from bad karma, they'll give you a sip from the "soup of forgetfulness", eradicating your memory, and ready you for reincarnation. If you're lucky, you get to be human again, but apparently, that's rare as shit, and more than likely, you'll be turned into a lowly frog or a stupid looking fish... which doesn't technically make sense if you account all the creatures in the world and their ratio with human life.



Strabo said...

Although I hate unnecessary acronyms, I will say I lol'd at the Dicksaw one. I just like the concept of eternally castrating anyone who disagrees with you.

Also, since I got a soon-to-fade-into-obscurity blog, I have a permanent account. Which means no more Anon.

Kuoke said...

Don't forget that when you get your dick sawed, you'll magically come back together, only to have it done to you AGAIN!