Tuesday, February 2, 2010

On Silver Wings.

Hey kids, you know when you get really fucking pissed beyond the point where everything seems like a complete fucking joke and everything suddenly becomes awesome? No?, Well I drew you fucking math cunts a graph because graphs are fucking awesome-saurus.

Well I'm there. And it's fucking awesome. I wish you could join me so I could KICK YOU OFF YOUR TOADSTOOL, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I know, or at least I hope he doesn't read this blog, because you can fuck the fuck off you fuck.
The best part of this state of, what I'd like to call 'distilled euphoria' would be that complaining comes at the most magical of whims - like as if a unicorn fucked a dolphin... with its HORN.

Because I'm such an unoriginal fuck, I'm going to rant about something I've many times before: that person that lives in my house which I not, but some would refer to him as my 'brother' (by blood only).

Lets get some facts straight like a homosexual:

The last time I ever talked (a conversation must have an intro line, a reply, and a subsequent line) to him was ... Let me scan my cyber organic archives; about more than 8 years ago.
WHY you ask? Because he is quite possibly the most giant of giant faggots of giant faggot land. Like, if you went to this Giant Faggot Land you you got the most giantous, most faggotous giant, you wouldn't even be NEAR how much giant faggotry this person I'll loosely refer to as my 'brother' exudes.
You probably can't hold a conversation with him without something going to severe penis faeces, example:

He's a giant Japanese weeaboo faggot.
FUN FACT: I don't actually hate Japan. At all. I just say that shit to fit in with the COOL KIDS. Although their porn industry, disposition to the rest of the world and their whaling practices, I would have to say, IRK ME IN THE MOST MILD OF MANNERS.
Like, I mean, there are some weeaboo's that are, I guess 'alright', those would be the ones who keep their disturbingly fucked up fetishes to the confines of their bedrooms.
At the point where you start acting, sitting, eating, talking like a character from an Anime series, is the point where I seriously want to hire a team of engineers and design a large metal orange juicer so I CAN GRIND YOUR HEAD INTO IT.
For about 6 months he acted like L from Deathnote - you know, like being weird and awesome at the same time, except he seemed to miss the 'awesome' part.
To this day, he occasionally wears a bucket hat in reference to Urahara from Bleach. Because bucket hats were ever awesome. The only person to ever pull off that look was Ned Kelly, HIGH FIVE.

Now I'm no fashion expert like some people who wear jeans which costs could easily save an entire third world country, but seriously - leather school shoes as 'normal shoes'. If he's feeling stylish on the day, he'll switch to joggers. WHAT.
Additionally, incredibly short buttoned shirts... And by 'incredibly short', I mean he still uses his short sleeved white buttoned shirt from year 9. Despite my parents giving him copious amounts of money to spend on new clothes that don't have a permanent stench of faggotness on it, he tends to spend them on others things, like, I don't know - faggoty girls that are like 3 years old.

"Pssh, you don't have any friends!"
"At least I don't want to rape my 'friends' that are also 10 years younger than me."

"Lets invite some innocent girl in a skimpy school uniform upstairs, while making a cacophony of bangs and bumps so that everyone including my parents can hear that we must either be playing 'The floor is lava!', or I'm raping the fucking shit out of your ass hole."

"Hey, I'm going to go to your house despite the fact that I'm in year 12 and despite having absolutely no chance at getting a good UAI, should be studying - then I'll get told off by your dad who'll pull me aside and tell me "TO FUCK OFF AND STOP RAPING MY DAUGHTER"."

"I'm going to hang out with a bunch of year 10 girls and pay for all their expenses in the city, because I intend to get laid... Any minute now... Aaany minute now..."

"Hey, next time you get an assignment and your brain gets blocked by two giant cocks in both your ears, call me, and get my faggot arse to do your assignment for you!, Because obviously, both of us are smart people and are absolutely not going to get 48.3 UAI!"

Like, more than normal fuck, like black dick in a midget.

"What? Why are you, my parents, asking me to pay a measly 10 dollars a week to stay at YOUR HOUSE? Why would I ever pay you when I'm NINETEEN years old, JOBLESS and LEECHING off YOU, MY PARENTS?"

"I'm not going to try and get a job, a job with come to me, if destiny wills it - in other words, I'm a lazy fuck who likes put my dick into mouse traps."

"I'm not going to learn how to cook, or clean, or use a washing machine, because obviously, I'm going to live here the rest of my life seeing as how I'm such douchebaggy douchebag fuck."


"I'm socially inept because I heard something on the radio that it's cause by parents smothering their children, when obviously, it's cause I'm a whiny pussy shit."

"I'm going to stay at home for another 300 years because that's the growing trend."

"I'm going to listen to faggoty J/K rock because that's what all my friends listen to, despite, firstly my friends being all delinquents bitches, and secondly, that they're all girls."

"I'm going to be a 'free spirit' because that's obviously how you achieve happiness."

Ok I'm out of ideas, and I feel considerably vented out.



wolf said...

by level of mood do you mean mood over time?

i dunno i dont deserve to do four unit hurrp

Kuoke said...

I don't think so, it's like, on 'mood axis', it's either happy, or fucking pissed. On the 'level axis', I'm thinking it's like, 'intensity of'.

So if you were at 0,0, you'd be 'eh', if you were at 0,10, you'd start posting status updates on FB telling everyone how incredibly bored you are.

If you were 10,0, I'd assume you were pretty fucking content, alternatively, if you were -10,0, you'd be pretty pissed, but you'd be tolerating it.

If you were 10,10, you'd be be in a reverse gangbang.
If you were -10,10, you'd hit the 'FUCK YEAH' point and become awesome.

Or at least, this is what general maths has to say about this graph.

Anonymous said...

He's your brother, you've watched him grow up and you should know why he has become like this. Stop with the judgmentality, be a little bit more understanding and help him out a little.

Kuoke said...


And trust me, my family is not anything like yours, in this house, it's free-for-all, I don't talk to either my dad or my brother, and when I talk to my mum we just bitch about the other two and everything else.

Anonymous said...

Who cares if it's a sign of weakness! You already look down on your brother.

Consider this: if you have children in the future and they fuck up, will you ignore them too?

And damn, you don't speak to any of the males in your fambam, why not talk to the dad?

Kuoke said...

I'd teach my kids to harden the fuck up from the second they start breathing.
The fact that my brother is a failure comes from the fact that my parents have paid extra cash to get him started, he just can't be fucked even trying, like he's not even TRYING to get a job, he's not even looking, or even going outside - I wouldn't be saying these things if he actually was looking the newspaper ads, or going out for interviews, BUT HE JUST DOESN'T.

Kuoke said...

He refuses to work at like, a fast food restaurant or a cafe or even Woolies because he thinks it's 'degrading' - whoopty fucking do, that's what you get when you're a dip shit.

Also, what the fuck, aren't you supposed attending a camp to better your ability to go to meetings 2nd half of lunch to stand around in a circle and discuss nothing?
Oh wait, that's day prefects. WOOSH.

ishraq said...

I think Buckethead does it pretty well too.

Anonymous said...

Uh, that anonymous up there wasn't me (Brendan) by the way. I've been on prefect camp and think MY brother is a self obsessed shitstain. QUIT HOGGING THE ANON, OTHER PERSON.

-The REAL Brendan.

Anonymous said...

After reading your comment asking the question I just answered, yes, I was on prefect camp, and thus away from internet, and thus didn't write those other ones. I support you on this one.


word verification: pronglog.

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the present + future family.

Brendan: from now on, to avoid confusion, why don't you be anon Brendan and I'll just be anon anon?