Sunday, January 31, 2010

Alse Blogs #2.

I was out of ice cream but had ice cream cones. It's like having balls but not a dick - I think that would be the oddest of anomalies. Anyway, I thought to myself "What would substitute ice cream?" to which I instantly though Nutella.
I left it in the freezer for about 30 minutes - not long enough, it was only semi-hard, and even if it were, it wouldn't have cancelled out the fact that a single bite almost made my tongue die from overdose.
I solved the problem by dipping in it Milo - as to better the the over-sweetness. ...
After I finished it I felt horrid, and potentially 'unhealthy' if that's a feeling. "What could I do to negate the unhealthyness of this Nutella cone?" - "Ah, I know, I'll eat a roll of bread to counter the Nutella, and a drink a cup of milk to counter the Milo."

I'm such a genius. I ended up feeling like shit the next morning; Oh I forgot to mention this was at about 2am.


If I were a game character:

Strength : 3.
I'm weak as, that's self explanatory.

Perception : 1.
I need glasses but I don't wear them because they're unconfortable, and I don't wear contacts because I saw this documentary about this guy with an eye patch who said 'because I didn't wash my contacts properly, bacteria formed on the lenses and ate my eye out'.
Alternatively, I'm bad at detecting hidden nods/winks/nudges.

Endurance : 7? or 3.
I'd like to think most people are pussies when they complain about the weather. Although, physically, I'm out in about a 100 metre run.

Charisma : -2.
I have the magical ability to draw attention away from myself.

ntelligence : 6.
Above average. And by average I mean standard street dip shits who hold no vocabulary to be desired when they overly use the same cuss word.

Agility : 8.
If this isn't high, then I don't have a main stat, and that's pretty fucked. Because Agi > Str.

Luck : -4.
My plans don't ever work. Negative 4 is simply because I actually make A LOT of plans.

(It spells 'SPECIAL'. From Fallout series, I believe, as well as others.)

Environment -
-30% stats,
Additional -30% in direct sunlight.
Team play -
When with team mates
-(10*team member)% stats,
+20% chance to accidentally attack team mates.

I'd be that retarded character your entourage picks up mid game as part of a side quest, your first thought would be "What the fuck? I side quested in the middle of a forest, was knocked out and kidnapped, awoke on a ninja island on the outskirts of the world map, mazed through a house which deliberately didn't make any sense because it's a 'ninja house', battle a bunch of annoying status ailing douche bags, and then a boss which changes weakness and is obviously too hard for my current level and used up 11 of my phoenix downs just to get THIS BITCH?".
(See Yuffie - I took some liberties in explaining how incredibly fucking annoying and worthless this side quest was.)

Then you'd sell me at the next tavern for a measly 30 gold.


I was lurking Facebook and saw a group called something like "20 things a girl should know about her guy", then was faced with another called "102 things a girl wants but wouldn't tell her guy".

Talk about quintuple standards.

Also, on the topic of Facebook, standard routine for news updates:
Morning = A bunch of girls checking their horoscopes. There's usually a guy in there, but he's also usually a giant faggot munch.
Afternoon = Time for everyone to join a bunch of groups because they have nothing else better to do.
Night = People complaining about their school work load. That's what you get for trying to be mad.


I was watching Gossip Girl on GO! because I was waiting for Fraiser. It was that episode where Serena had that secret of killing a guy this one time, and opposed to telling THAT to her boyfriend, she was all like "Nah, instead someone else huge dick went in me this one time".

I don't know whether my opinion is off set here, but I'd very much rather my girlfriend have killed a guy that have someone else's dick in her.


I watched G-Force ages ago, and thought that the black guinea pig was the main character - because the media appearances for the film have been done mainly by voice actor Tracy Morgan (of 30 Rock fame, comedian etc.), but it ended up being the brown guinea which I thought was off because he also gets a second row appearance on the DVD cover.
Potentially marketing the film by means of advertising the most famous actor in it.


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