My uncle who lives in someone else's garage asked me directions to my brothers room so he could sleep in his bed. I have him directions and said aloud "Sleep in your own bed you fucking poor piece of shit cunt." He didn't hear me apparently.
I actually went down stairs to the festivities, got a drink, thought to myself "What the fuck am I doing here" and went back upstairs to the safety of my computer - all in the matter of about 20 seconds.
Am I relaying every small faceted detail of my life as of most recently? Yes, I am. And that's because younger cousins don't understand the bliss of silence -- And as I was typing that sentence, the hoard of misled delinquents-to-be came up the stairs as if they had no sense of weight dispersion and balance and muttered to each other in an overly coherent manner "Why does he stay up there are the time? He's so boooring." to which I hastily replied: "MAYBE I STAY UP HERE ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I HATE ALL OF YOU". They halted in their steps, and finally proved that they could actually exercise 'silence' and proceeded back from whence they came.
Should I feel remorse? Have I scarred them for life? I'd like to think so. Fuck them. I like to imagine that I have the magical ability to tell whether a person will succeed in life - and all of them I see the seedy aura of conformism, ill-mannered lies and fallacies of which they base their opinions on opinionated fools. They will amount to no degree of what they would blindly believe to be 'success' - the want for 'fame' and' fortune' - where in a world plagued with mistrust and a ideology that conformism holds the answer for self achievement, that they will even manage to miss the falsest of desires.
It is in this world I see nothing of requirement. That the human condition comes not natural to me but rather, I have to learn it in a way that most people would have had become accustomed to purely from upbringing but more so, instinct. My reserves of which people would automatically engage for human interaction is filled not with this ability, but rather the inverse of it. There would be people who would consider my literal pleasure from being alone to be 'abnormal'. The state of science and that fake study of 'psychology' aims to create enclosures for 'states of minds' as if they don't contradict themselves in saying that the human mind is a complex thing, though, it can still be isolated and given tags in the ways we deem fit.
I hate family get togethers. I hate my relatives. I hate the fact that to be human, you're supposed to 'want and desire' human contact when I really really really enjoy being alone.